I was talking to a friend today who was telling me about her hesitation about going on a first date. Not just any first date…a blind first date. Now for the anti-social amongst us – this does not mean that her date wears dark sunglasses and uses a cane or a Seeing Eye dog to get around. A blind date is a first date with someone that you have never met or interacted with before the date. Usually it’s someone else a “friend” who will call you and exclaim joyfully “I met the perfect guy/girl for you!” has found. Now traditionally in my experience this person is far from perfect for ME, but is most often perfect for the person who fixed you up, but that’s another blog for another day….

So I’ve done some thinking and I’ve come up with some information that someone may find helpful. My personal short lists of Do’s and Don’ts for the ladies and the fellas on a first date, blind or otherwise taken directly from my personal experience (meaning my personal male point-of-view). So some of these may not apply to you, but I think they are general enough that they probably hold true for most. As always if you have any suggestions/opinions to add let me know (use the comment link directly below the entry…I mean you’re here you might as well lazy). Keep in mind I am an American so if you’re not in America your culture may have a different set of rules, but I don’t date there so get your own blog… : – )

Guy Do’s

1) Be polite (it was a good meal but she wont appreciate it like grandma does when you let out that loud burp and pick your teeth with your fingernail)
2) Be a gentleman (contrary to what seems to be popular belief among the younger generations holding a door for a woman wont compromise your sexuality)
3) Be attentive (I understand Applebee’s puts the football game on during your date, but if you want a second one make more eye contact with her than you do with Brett Favre)
4) Talk less…listen more (odds are she likes to talk once you get her going and pay attention! Actually remembering something she says will go a long way later on)
5) Bathe (if you need me to elaborate on this one…click the “X” in the top right corner…turn off your computer…and be very afraid cause your hope is all but lost)
6) Have an interest/opinion on something non-sports/video game related (there’s more to life than Sportscenter and Xbox360)

Guy Don’ts

1) Don’t share with her your allergy to water (the obvious next question is how did you shower?), sheep saliva (this is irrelevant unless your first date is at a petting zoo), or anything else that my come across as “weird”. You want her to be comfortable. Leave some mystery for the 2nd date.
2) Don’t make your first date at a petting zoo
3) Don’t continuously stare at your thumb and mumble “I bet it will fit…I just gotta get her to hold still”
4) Don’t ask her how much she paid for (or where she bought) any of the following:
-hair
-eyes
-nose
-boobs
-etc… (you get the picture here…if she bought it…its hers)

5) Yes, the waitress is VERY cute, but she’s not your date…focus man! (do your sightseeing on your own time)
6) If it itches don’t scratch it (excuse yourself to the bathroom dummy)

Ladies Do’s

1) Have any opinion/interests (if we wanted to talk to ourselves we could have done that at home with the Xbox)
2) Have an interest in something other than your shoes, your hair, and which celebrity is dating which (we really don’t care who Paris Hiltons new BFF is)
3) Offer to help with the check (we’re not going to let you, but it’s nice to know you CAN if you have to. Let us know you aren’t just a tag-a-long goldigger)
4) Allow us to be gentleman (pause at the door…give us a chance to do it right….or wrong)
5) Don’t assume a bad time as soon as you see us (I don’t have proof, but I know you ladies do this! Give us a chance to make it a bad time)
6) Let us know if you think you could be falling in love with us and think we would have the most beautiful children together (this is a “do” because we need to know if you are a psycho nut …the sooner the better…)

Ladies Don’ts

1) Keep us waiting forever (we understand your need to make an entrance, but take too long and we’ll be at Applebee’s watching the football game with the cute waitress)
2) Drink like a fish/Eat like a lumberjack (at least PRETEND your interested in something other than the free food and drink)
3) Don’t assume he likes the taste of your hair as much as you do. (if you need to restyle, comb, brush, etc.. take it to the bathroom we don’t want it in our plate)
4) If it itches please don’t scratch it in front of us (wherever we are probably has a bathroom..take your meds BEFORE you come out)
5) Don’t at anytime utter the phrase “ my -ex boyfriends name here- use to do the same thing, wear the same thing, smell the same way, etc…if he was so great what are you doing here?)
6) Make us think we are going to be in a threesome with you and your text messaging (Carla/Debbie/Susan/whomever’s life isn’t REALLY gonna fall apart in the hour or two that we’re out…you can text and call all you want after we’re gone)

That’s my short list…whats yours?

This story is one of the main reasons why I don’t go out to eat a lot… what’s that saying?… “Don’t bite the hand that feeds you..” or my adaptation is… don’t mess with the service provider that’s bringing your food, fool!

Here’s the scenario, yuppie couple gets a bite to eat and at the end of the meal, the server (let’s call her Ms L) receives a $0 tip with the following message scribbled at the bottom of the bill… “P.S.  You could stand to loose (sp?) a few pounds.”  Whoa, kind of personal… I never had a “service job” cause I woulda knocked their heads together, shoved the receipt up his nose, snatched my bag and sashayed out of there!  Breathe G… breathe…  I wasn’t there.. don’t know what went down, but can imagine – snooty customers, waitress trying to get through the day… clash of cultures I’m sure.

Waitressing is hard enough… low pay… you’re on your feet all day… lousy tips… dealing with customers that have “special needs” (it’s undercooked, it’s overcooked, and my food can’t touch each other, no this, no that… or stupid questions like… “Is there chicken in your vegetarian gumbo?  Do you get rice with the fried rice?  Do you have hot tea?”)  LOL I would lose my mind.

So apparently there’s a website for servers to express their angst for such experiences.  Ms L takes a pic of the receipt and posts it on FB.  When I read that.. I was like YEAH!  You go gurl!  GET IT!  Not only that… she included a picture of the dude from his FB page..

ONE PROBLEMO… wrong dude… ugh.

Girlfriend… I was witcha until then… geez… Never be so blinded by rage that you stick it to the wrong person.  Misdirected anger is not cool.

So what’s the moral of this story?  Hell if I know… until I figure it out, get yourself one of those tip guides to keep in your wallet/purse for proper tipping.  Don’t be cheap.  If you have the dough to go out to eat or pick up the phone and EXPECT someone to deliver food to you… tip properly!  Or stay your behind home and eat dry cereal.  Nuff said…

http://jobs.aol.com/articles/2011/10/12/waitress-shames-insulting-tipper-on-facebook/

… that’s all G wrote!

I love jazz history. I also love the sound of a Hammond B3 organ.

And I love playing one too!

I and probably many of you first experienced the unmistakable sound of this legendary instrument in church. The piercing wails that make you jump or the soothing tones that evoke all kinds of emotions are unforgettable and always recognizable.

A quick venture into the past. In the beginning, traditional pipe and theater-style organs ruled the organ universe. However, an organ revolution began when Laurens Hammond introduced the electric Model A organ in 1935. This revolution escalated in 1955 with the first Model B3, which remained in production until 1975. Today, the Hammond B3 (or one of its “A” or “C” cousins) reigns as King of Organs for jazz, gospel, blues and rock organists. Matter of fact, you can hear the Hammond sound in pretty much ANY popular music genre. Coupled with a Leslie cabinet and its rotating horn and bass speakers, that sound (and I mean “THAT SOUND”) is like no other, and even the best electronic simulations on the market are no match.

Fats Waller, the son of a Baptist preacher, is considered by many to be the pioneer of Jazz organists. His early recordings feature him playing a custom Estey pipe organ, and for several years he was the theater organist at New York’s Lincoln Theater where he accompanied silent films and soloed during intermission. Taste a sample of Mr. Waller here. Most of us, however, are familiar with jazz organ giants such as Jimmy Smith, Jack McDuff, Jimmy McGriff, Richard “Groove” Holmes, “Dr.” Lonnie Smith, and the barefoot-pedalin’ Rhoda Scott. Many more jazz organists are mentioned here.

Fast forward to the present. Check out the sweet cuts from Deep Blue Organ Trio’s latest CD release (as of August 16, 2011), “Wonderful.” This chart-topping homage to Stevie Wonder is a must-buy! These cats from Chicago – Chris Foreman, Bobby Broom, and Greg Rockingham – celebrate the Black American music experience through the classic jazz combo configuration of B3 organ, guitar, and drums. Please – visit them on their website, and show some love by liking them on Facebook!

And did I mention buy their CD? Let me help you out!

Well, enough for now…I’m sure at this point you’re shouting, “Hit the road, Zach!”[http://youtu.be/VGn-FBxsLn0] .

Namaste,
Zach B

PS: I play the organ in my socks.

As I sit here in my cube, (my own private open air cell that my job uses to seduce me in to thinking I have freedom while I am secretly held by the invisible chains of “Bills” and “debt”) in my cushiony seat, I can’t help but to think what I guess many of you have probably thought at your own jobs (cube or no cube) today and so many days past…how the heck can I get out of here before losing what little mind I have left?! Well as I secretly and silently stage my own private labor protest I have come up with my top favorite excuses, as well as things you can do, to make an early escape from your voluntary slavery.

9 Things To Say:

9. “I have to go my neighbor just called!” (a panicked voice goes a long way, no one will question what your neighbor called about)
8. “I have to go pick on my kids” (not up…on)
7. “My teeth itch!”
6. “I have to go feed my stuffed deer head”
5. “I left my dog outside!”
4. “I left my phone at home on vibrate!”
3. “I forgot to turn off the microwave!”
2. “I left the fridge plugged in!” (If you say this with enough panic and quickly enough, folks will swear later you said iron!)
1. “I left my DVR on record!”

6 Things to Do:

6. Accidentally pour water on your computer keyboard
5. Wait for your desk phone to ring and yell “STOP IT! STOPPPP ITTTT!”
4. Spill hot coffee on your anything ( I would suggest something you don’t want to use during your extra time away from work)
3. Wear the same clothes to work Tues, Wed, & Thurs then tell your boss you need to leave early Friday because they are finally coming to fix your washing machine.
2. Pee on yourself
1. Pee on someone else